i report no new noteworthy event because all events are now noteworthy. this child will be here soon.
we have graduated birth class. we missed one in the middle (apparently a slightly important one) and were late to all of the others. also, we laughed constantly and could not perform a specific breathing exercise. this exercise consisted of sitting indian style across from each other, looking deep into each other's eyes, and breathing together. the longest sustain achieved by erin during this exercise: 7 seconds. then, she burst into hysterical laughter.
birth class: ridiculous.
example: the birth class den mother clipped a clothespin onto my ear to simulate labor. this makes no sense to me. and, i also kind of liked the sensation, and thought it might help me stop chewing my nails compulsively. i'm tempted to bring a whole bag of clothespins into the delivery room and perform a rustic acupuncture on myself.
another favorite example: one woman asked about post-partum psychosis, which involves mothers attempting to kill their children. her husband, a former durham city police officer, stated that there was one simple solution for this: 'mr. steel.' when pressed on who exactly 'mr. steel' was, he replied that it was his 9mm pistol. he looked right at the mother of his unborn child and told her that he would shoot her if she attempted to hurt his baby. no hesitation. he got the 'papa bear raging in the woods' award.
also, jordan really really likes watching 'jurassic park' with me.
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7 comments:
"birth class: ridiculous"
Cheers. My thoughts exactly.
thanks. btw, who is 'ej'?
dude, it's erik johnson. duh.
welcome, first-time poster!
erin, thanks for being a big jerk. i mean just a jerk. you're not big.
Clearly, Ted did not go to college with us.
E & T, had you been in our birth class, you would have had the pleasure of meeting Jimmy Cash, who wanted to "sleep train" their newborn , and insisted on decorating their nursery with an ant theme.
They had a girl. His logic? "Girls like ants, right?"
Uh, I guess.
good save, ted. today, someone said to me, 'you don't look like you have far to go.' i don't know if she considered 29 days 'far to go' or not. let's just say that convo died real fast.
i don't know if anyone really likes ants. was he going to include an ant farm in the room? cuz that does seem creepy.
"i don't know if she considered 29 days 'far to go' or not."
> Haha. Yeah, perspective is an evil thing at that point, eh?
"E & T, had you been in our birth class . . ."
> Now THAT would have been FUN! We totally would have had a counter-culture of laughter. Next time lets time this stuff out better. ;)
"you would have had the pleasure of meeting Jimmy Cash . . ."
> The other key to understanding Jimmy was the enthusiasm with which he announced himself. "My name is JIMMY CASH!!" He liked his name. Johnson doesn't have the same vibe, somehow.
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