different than the time before

so the gear wars have begun...

we had a fab visit from criswell and hope (my in-laws) over the weekend, and part of the visit included a mini-shower for the babski. we got a cool diaper bag (i never thought i'd put those words together), the softest blanket i've ever experienced (which both argos and fledge perused with a jealous eye), and the smallest clothes i've ever seen.

so now that the first official babski items are in the house, it seems OK to move forward with the rest of the necessities. as the gear geeks that we are, we've purchased a consumer reports on baby gear and are making lists of what's most important. erin blogged before of the sign/signifier aspect of gear-purchasing, and that is definitely playing into our thoughts. we hope to start registries this weekend...

yesterday we went to the doctor and everything is going swimmingly (no pun intended, though an amniotic pool sounds nice, doesn't it?). when we left, erin said to me "15 weeks down, only 25 to go!" and it struck me how swiftly time is moving. others have said plenty (and plenty eloquently) about the mystery of moments disappearing, but i had a small profound experience of that with erin in the car.

and then we drove to the movie theatre and watched 'pirates of the caribbean.'

reality was only a touch away

criswell and i spent a very brief, but incredible weekend with erin and ted! on friday as we were travelling south bound, i kept reminding myself do not walk in and touch her belly. that is an invasion of her privacy and rude, i thought i was good to go. we walked in the house embraced and without even thinking i touched her belly. it just looked so sweet and it was such a tiny little bump, but very firm. erin has always had the perfect flat stomach so to see her little firm belly just makes this miracle so real. this is a feeling that is so hard to explain, but it just makes you feel so great inside- all you can do is smile for a very long time.

the next best thing to make you smile for a very long time is to watch ted hold baby t-shirts and booties and dance like an irishman doing the jig. he had so much excitement in him it was exploding through his feet. experiencing the two of them and seeing their joy and excitement was something i will cherish the rest of my life. and i am so honored to be able to share in this wonderful life altering experience. god bless and know how much i love you both!

the surreal life

so, paris hilton is facing 45 days in jail and phil spector is on trial for shooting someone in the face. is it any coincidence that erin is also significantly pregnant?

it has been surreal. the very first visit that we both went to was the early ultrasound. up until that point the consensus was that e-$ was about 6 weeks along (though she claims her intuition told her differently). i rolled into that brazil-like medical maze wearing a hawaiian shirt and thinking about lunch, anticipating the view of a cell bundle.

NOT SO.

head, shoulders, arms -- the whole bit. heartbeat.

there really isn't any appropriate preparation for this kind of view. in fact, it took me about 20 minutes to process the entire situation. we had gone from we'vegotasecretbutthereisnorealchange to seeing the child, and realizing that it was probably time to let people know. it gets funnier every day.

i'll soon be posting various photos as added documentation.

crib shaking and stroller folding

so ted and i have been checking out the baby gear on offer at various places in town and have found that you can swiftly lose your mind as you try to decide which of the fifty-seven cribs on display will be the absolute right one for you. we both like to shop for, research and buy gear--camping stuff, shoes (yes, they count), cameras, stereo stuff, instruments--you know, big and unnecessary, but great, things to have.

the baby gear universe is a completely different...universe. baby gear seems to come with added resonance and weight. your camping stuff tells you and others about your relationship to nature in degrees of symbiosis and hostility. but the baby gear you buy--or even look at--seems to convey a solid, public impression of what kind of parent you see yourself becoming, or perhaps what kind of parent you already consider yourself to be.

this kind of fortune-telling via consumer action makes the decisions much more complex.

i suppose it's really just another manifestation of fact that having a baby began for us as quite a private affair, and that once it really happened and we started telling people, it became a public and communal experience. i'm still a little bit dazed by that very big, but very welcome change. and that's really what this blog is intended to address as well--the fact that we want to share this experience with our friends and family in as many ways as possible.

so that's all for one more private reflection, posted for public consumption.

everybody's trying to be my baby, and erin's going to have a baby.

So.

i've been thinking about blogs for a long time, and regularly perused a variety of them -- strictly as a voyeur, to this point. i've thought about names for blogs, possible entries, potential audience -- the whole kit. and now here i am, projecting personal thoughts into cyberspace. mostly it reminds me of an innate desire for mutant powers and the ability to control technology with my mind, but for now blogger will have to do.

i have lots of little posts to, erm, post, and will do so soon. for now, i wanted to say welcome to any and all. the aim of this blog is to create an artificial community, akin to sea monkeys. our friends and family are diverse and far-flung, but we wanted to share this experience with all interested. so, on that note, everyone is invited to become a sea monkey. let us know if you'd like to be a contributor, and we'll happily add you to the list. i will laugh at your entries and erin will moderate.

i could be a bloodhound these days

i was working at duke press this morning, waiting for my morning dose of cooking smells. since being pregnant, my super-sensitive nose picks up on the italian restaurant's kitchen (just below the press) as soon as they start smashing garlic. this morning, however, i was overwhelmed by what i can only describe as the smell of grandmother (my paternal one, who died october 2005) and the apartment she used to live in before moving in with my aunt. i have no idea where this was coming from, but it lasted for most of my shift at the press. it made me remember spending so much time with her when i was young, and it made me wonder what she would have thought of ted and me having a baby. she probably would've told us that she hoped it looked like ted and had his taste in shoes. i would have liked hearing that. makes me even happier that nan and pop and memommy are alive for this.

now that we have this blog, i have no idea what to write

so. i'm now officially in the twelfth week of gestating; we have no doctor visits this week; everything seems to be progessing quite normally. without the surge of energy that a doctor's appointment or the surge of excitement that a last minute visit from mom provides, i am left with the quotidian fact of just being pregnant. i don't mean to take away from the wonder of this state, but it is something that i've adapted to in particular ways so that it doesn't invade my every thought and action. to put things in perspective, i just finished a phone conversation with christine, who is now very, very pregnant (36 weeks in fact), and she was telling me that sometimes, even though she can't see her toes anymore, she sort of forgets about her burgeoning belly. even though my belly is far from burgeoning--possibly only in the bump stage so far--i can sympathize with her assimilative attitude. how else do you go on living like a normal human being instead of some blissed out person walking on air?

enough of the cool. i'm still ridiculously excited about the whole thing. and pretty blissed out most of the time. except when i'm hungry, which has upped in frequency. again.

i think what i'm trying to get at is that being pregnant is the beginning of a change in my life and in ted's, but it's not so revolutionary a change that we stop being the people that we are or stop doing many of the things that we do. you might think that's idealistic and utopian of me to think right now and that i should be bracing for nothing short of full-on, coup d'etat revolution. i think i'll just stick around in this utopia awhile longer.

ted's chattering at me that it's my bedtime. i can't believe he's right. if i'm going to read at all before i collapse into sleep, i better get going. right now.

testing

hi erin. you're probably the first person to see this. huh.